panic

I had a job interview yesterday. It went pretty well. It sounds like a great job. It's really well suited to me, and it also happens to be something to do with Christchurch's recovery from the earthquakes - it turns out an arts degree can be put to good use! Brilliant. I will find out if I got it on Tuesday.

Problem is, I tend to be a worrier about New Things. Tonight I was sitting thinking about the overwhelming change it would bring to my life and all of a sudden was seized by DREAD. And PANIC. What if I get it? What if I don't do everything perfectly right away? What if I live out the next year of my life in UNALLOYED STRESS?

First, I hysterically vented my feelings to my flatmate.

Second, I sat fervently wishing it were possible to remain a child forever.

Third, I thought about this verse.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

In context:
"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:11b-13

It was true for Paul. Now that is one person who did things. And he did them through Christ.

And it has also been true for me. It was definitely the major lesson I brought out from doing an MA thesis. It was the major lesson for my flatmates and me when we went through a period of extreme financial difficulty.

I'm very lucky. I have an advantage in that I have a Saviour who is helping me through every battle in my life. I have spiritual resources that will not fade away and that seem to grow exponentially in times of trouble. If it so happens that I am offered this job, and if (even more unlikely) it happens that it turns out to be horrendously scary, Christ will be there with me, strengthening me, enabling me to learn to do my job incredibly well, and reminding me of my most important job - to be a light for him in a dark world.